


A Scar That Looks Just Like You

by worldofchances2giveu



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 02:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5989288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worldofchances2giveu/pseuds/worldofchances2giveu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke feels the need to escape, to break free; it’s like he’s being suffocated and contained in a cage of darkness. He tries to flee, but his arms can only extend a few inches above his chest before his hands reach his confinements. Panic sets in, and Luke realizes he’s trapped.</p><p> Or the story of Luke's life as what he never wanted to be, a vampire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Scar That Looks Just Like You

Something is different.  
Something is wrong. 

Luke feels the need to escape, to break free; it’s like he’s being suffocated and contained in a cage of darkness. He tries to flee, but his arms can only extend a few inches above his chest before his hands reach his confinements. Panic sets in, and Luke realizes he’s trapped. He can’t sit up; he can’t see to find a way out. Everything is pitch black and cold, cold enough that he feels it in his bones.

Luke realizes his best chance at survival is to be rescued, so he screams as loud as he can. His voice is raw and his throat is sore. Maybe he’s been screaming all along and just not realized it, maybe something caused the soreness before he became trapped; either way he can’t remember. His voice cracks as he pleads for help again. To say he is scared is an understatement, the eighteen year old is terrified.

Adrenaline finally kicks in, in the face of panic, and he begins to claw and push at his confinements. Splinters pierce his hands, but he doesn’t feel the pain like he should. Maybe it’s fight or flight, maybe it is the adrenaline rushing through his body, but the feeling of pain isn’t predominant. He wants, needs, to escape. Finally, the wood gives. However, instead of freedom he is rewarded with something falling on him. It’s cold, damp and it buries him under suffocating weight.

Luke frantically digs and continues to fight his way free, his will to live growing stronger each time he feels himself making headway toward freedom. He can hear his name being called from a voice he can’t quite place to a face; all he knows is the sound is alluring in the best way possible and he needs to get to it. 

Luke breaks free of the ground.

~

"Drink." The command is straightforward, but unnecessary. Luke wants nothing more than the contents of the container in front of him, even the sight of it makes his mouth water. He craves the crimson liquid like nothing he has ever before.

The blond rips the container away from the boy, grabbing it in a hasty and desperate move. The older male doesn't hesitate to put his hands back to use, this time placing the now free arm around the scared boy's body pulling him closer. His other hand finding a place in the mess of hair that is coated in dirt. He whispers assurances meant more for his own comfort than Luke’s, as he braces himself for what is to come.

The liquid is gone, but Luke continues to shamefully lap at the container like a starving dog. It feels like it’s the first meal he’s had in his lifetime and he desperately craves more.

"Easy," The other soothes. "We’ll get you some more.” 

Luke doesn't listen, he’s too busy trying to consume every last drop. He needs it. He craves the way it quinces the hunger that is violently nagging at him. He craves it's savory taste, the way it makes him feel high and buzzed, but more present than he's ever felt all at the same time. It’s a blitz he’s never experienced before. 

He tosses the container aside, finally convinced it's all gone. The other boy watches Luke carefully, as he leans back into him panting. Luke takes the time to catch his breath and examine their surroundings; a graveyard in the dark of night, 'how cliche' he thinks to himself. Then his eyes fall on himself, he is in dress pants and what he assumes to once have been a nice white button shirt. They’re both ruined now, stained with dirt and blood, they’re even ripped.

The boy breaks away from the other’s arms, turning to face him. "Michael, what did you do?" Luke already knows the answer, but that does not stop him from wanting to hear anything but the truth.

Michael doesn’t appease Luke’s attempt at willful ignorance. He sighs heavily, "There was no choice, Luke." 

Luke laughs bitterly. Michael can’t help but cringe at the coldness of the sound.

"There was a choice." Luke says, as he moves to stand. “There is always choices.” 

"I'm so sorry-" 

The blond cuts him off before he can finish. "Sorry?" Disbelief and anger flood his voice, "You are sorry for this?" He's frantic now and talking with his hands almost more than his voice now. "This is not something ‘I'm sorry’ can fix! This is my life you just fucking played God with, Michael!" Luke nearly growls the last sentence. 

"Luke," Michael attempts to calm the younger boy with a soft voice. “You’re going to get through this, we’re going to get through this. It’s all gonna work out.” Calming a situation has never been Michael’s strong suit, but now is no time to escalate the moment further. Michael has been a vampire for long enough to know better than to push a fledgling, who has yet to learn to control their new found heightened emotions. “Let me help you” He tries. 

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage already?” Luke bites out. Luke starts to lash out again, but he can't think of the words to use. His mind is drowning in questions, but he still overcome with fear and anger. He just wants his mind to clear, "This-I-I need to get away." He begins to walk away.

Before Luke even takes two steps, Michael is on his feet trailing behind him. "Where are we going?" Michael asks all too innocently. 

"We? I don't know where you are going. I'm leaving, alone." Luke spits out, not bothering to turn around. The truth is he is not sure of where he is headed, he’s really just aiming for 'away.'

"Luke, it's not safe for you to be alone! Let me help you through this, at least for the first few days." The oldest tries to reason.

His words cause Luke to stop dead in his tracks, the abruptness making Michael stiffen. He spins on his heel, turning to face Michael. It’s only then that Michael notices their size difference in a negative light. Before Michael loved Luke’s broad shoulders, whenever he was in his arms it always made him feel safe and helped him get lost in the presence of Luke with his head buried in the taller boy’s neck. But now there is nothing comforting in Luke’s larger size and heightened emotions, instead it’s intimidating. 

"Not safe? What's the worst that can happen now that I'm dead?" 

Michael can almost feel the spite in Luke’s words. But he pushes on, "You can't do this on your own, no one can."

"Fuck off," is all Luke's icy voice responds with before he turns his back.

“It’s not just unsafe for you, the first few days are the worst with cravings. Luke, you could hurt someone, or worse.”

“I’m willing to take that risk. I’m a monster now, after all.” He doesn’t mean his words, or at least Michael hopes he doesn’t. 

The oldest is stubborn, but no match for a baby vampire’s foolishness. Michael sighs and watches Luke's silhouette fade into the night, knowing a fight would not fare well for him, them. So he lets Luke walk away without him and plans to keep a watchful eye from a distance instead. 

~

The past comes back like a puzzle, piece by piece, until Luke’s mind is drowning in the memory. 

Each recollection is a mix of senses that feel all too real for just a thought. He can’t shake the smell of oil, gas and rubber burning no matter how hard he tries. The sound of screeching of tires and the sensation of being thrown forward only to be slung back hurt his ears and chest. He can still see the eighteen-wheeler jackknifing in front of of him, he remembers attempting to swerve out of the way of the overturned trailer only to collide into work equipment left on the side of the road. He can’t quite place what it is that punctured his left shoulder, but the pain comes back with the memories. Although, he does remember the flames crawling into the inside of the vehicle. And he remembers the feeling of strong arms pulling away before they touched him and ripping whatever that sliced through him out in the process. He can still taste the iron in his mouth and he remembers fighting to hold on to consciousness for the sake of speaking what should have been his last words, before letting oblivion over take him. 

It’s the last memory that is the worst to face, the memory of his love, ex-love, forcing his blood in his mouth. Luke doesn’t feel sad or even angry, he feels betrayed.

~

With everything; Luke just wants to return to normalcy, to forget everything that happened. So Luke makes his way to his family home right as the sky is beginning to turn light blue and the clouds pink. He stops on the second step to the front porch and lifts a flower pot on the right side of it, he pulls a key out from underneath it and heads toward the door. 

As he places the key in handle he notices there is a note taped to the door. It’s written in his mother’s handwriting: “Thank you for the condolences. At this time, we would like some privacy as we mourn. We hope everyone understands. - Sincerely, The Hemmings Family.” That is when the realization hits him, his family thinks he’s dead. And now he’s standing on the front porch, covered in dirt and drying blood. 

He wants to reach out to them: to correct the situation. He wishes to stop their mourning. He himself wants to feel his mother’s embrace, hear his father’s unfunny jokes, to talk smack while playing video games with his older brothers; if only for one more time. He wants to end their pain, but mostly his pain.

However, he decides against it, he tells himself it is easier for everyone that way. No trauma of seeing their ‘dead’ loved one return. No trauma of having to explain how he’s still here and why he looks like he just crawled up from his own grave. No trauma of seeing his loved ones grow old and die, while he remains forever young. No trauma in realizing the old Luke is dead and has been replaced with a vampire who doesn’t really know what is going to happen next. No trauma of having to lose a son and a brother again when he has to fade into an alias. No trauma of having to properly say goodbye to the ones he loves the most. The realization of how bad of an idea it was to return, are now the most difficult and painful moment of his life. ‘It’s better this way,’ He whispers before disappearing into the early sunrise. 

~

Luke ends up at a gas station, a few miles from city limits, fangs’ deep in a brunette completely lost in his impulses. It’s only when the limp body hits the ground he realizes where he is and what he has done. He doesn’t have time to grieve or feel remorse for what he has just happened. The sun has been up for far too long and people are beginning to stir in their morning routines, so he pushes the thoughts out of his head. He drags the body behind a dumpster and disappears hopefully before anyone has a chance to spot him.

Michael watches on from the distance as Luke leaves. A better man would have stopped Luke from harming the stranger and not used a human’s life as a mere lesson. But he is not a better man. So he let the baby vampire drain the stranger to the very last drop, as a lesson in just how hard controlling vampirism is. He does, however clean up the evidence of Luke’s attack. He compels the store clerk to erase the security tape and cleans the body of prints. He stays close and watches who handles the remains. Later on he corners the coroner as he leaves his shift that evening and compels him to rule it an animal attack. 

~

A week later, Luke makes his way into a bar, he has no money, no i.d. and no plans for the future. However, he gets in and orders a drink easily; compulsion is apparently as simple as Michael made it look. 

Luke catches his reflection as he sits in front of an oddly placed mirror behind the bar. Underneath the leather jacket he stole from a shop, there is dried blood on his shirt and his hair is far beyond of the point of looking like he purposely choose to have it that messy. He doesn’t own anything that is not on him, where would he keep anything else anyways? Considering he’s homeless and been compelling himself hotel rooms and clerks to feed on. Everything is a mess in his life, so he drinks until that doesn’t matter.

Four drinks in and the man sitting beside him is no longer a stranger. The middle aged man offers to drive them back to his motel and offers Luke a place to stay the night. The young vampire takes him up on the offer, against what would have been his better judgment as a human. But he reasons he’s drunk, homeless, and dead, at this point, what is the worst that can happen to him?

It’s sometime in the night and Luke is standing in front of the bathroom mirror, watching the bruises fade from around his neck and his chest. That’s when it hits him it’s too late to fix the past and to return to normal, so he lets the darkness overcome him. 

He walks out of the door with the cash in the man's wallet and no humanity present in his mind. 

~

The following weeks are dark for Luke. The lust for blood is strong and the trail of victims is long. Pity flees and ambitions fade with each body added to the count. Sometimes humanity comes creeping back in, but each time he feeds he loses himself all over again. He was never warned of just how dark life is without humanity and he starts to hate Michael for that. But then he doesn’t. Because hatred means emotions, and emotions come from humanity. 

He’s in another motel room, this time in Adelaide. Of course, he’s not alone. He hasn’t spent a night alone since he turned his emotions off. One thing he has learned about himself through the past three months, is that he really doesn’t do well when he is alone with his thoughts. And he’s always so hungry. So he finds a new distraction to snack on every night. 

Luke finds himself staring into a mirror again, this time blood splattered on his clothes and his lips stained crimson. It reminds him of the evening where he let the darkness in, but this time the soulless look in his eyes even catches him off guard. But yet he does not regret anything and that’s when he realizes he’s become what he always feared, a monster.

The realization sparks fear inside of him, real fear, and that’s enough for his humanity to push and claw back in with. Luke learns self-realization is not pretty for a vampire who just went on a humanity-less binge. 

He considers testing what happens if he doesn’t feed again, ever. He decides against it, too risky for anyone who may stumble upon him in his desperate state. And his sins are already too great in number to add another. He debates about driving a wooden stake through his heart to test how accurate the movies he seen are. He even considers exposing himself to hunters, a danger he remembered Michael was always careful to avoid. He doesn’t though. The part of him that wants to live seems to be stronger than his self-loathing. Luke’s not sure if that means he’s growing to enjoy being a vampire or just adjusting. Maybe it’s both, he thinks before dropping the thought and returning to the self-loathing.

~

It’s four months before Michael finds Luke in a bookshop, miles from where they last spoke and cities away from where Michael last saw Luke. 

He had been planning on intervening on Luke’s destructional path, but one night the mess was so great that by the time he was done covering up one of Luke's meals he had lost track of where he had run to.

At first, Michael struggled in his search for Luke. But soon the rumors of animal attacks and spike in obituaries for young adults stating natural causes, a clear sign of a cover up done by an extension of the Clave, lead him to Luke again. He was just glad he found him, before a higher up decided to intervene. 

Now,the younger vampire’s feet are propped on a table with a book in his hands. Michael notes the change in Luke, his clothes are in darker shades than before, he looks like he has aged several years older (but Michael knows that is impossible), most startling of all there is no emotions on his face. It all reminds him of himself before he meet Luke and for the first time Michael truly regrets what he has done.

Luke does not look up from his book, but the slight tense of his muscles alerts Michael to the fact he is aware of his presence. “Luke,” Michael says. His voice is tired, sad, relieved, nervous and so many things Luke wonders if he would have been able to notice before. Now he hears it all and he can’t cut it off; he hates it.

“Go away.” It’s blunt, cold and to the point. Luke doesn’t want to see his sire and he especially doesn’t want to have a conversation with his ex.

“We need to talk.” Michael moves to sit opposite of the blond at the table. He approaches and speaks as a parent would to a pouting child.

“There is nothing to talk about.” Luke doesn’t look up from his book, but it’s clear he’s no longer paying attention to the pages.

“You know you can’t avoid me forever.” Michael states.

Luke laughs bitterly, finally looking away from his book, “Actually, I can. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Luke, you attracting to much attention.”

“What don’t want the entirety of this library to know how you screwed me over?” Luke smirks, unknowningly missing the point. 

“I never talked about it much when we're together. But there is a thing called the Clave, think of the them as the governmental group for vampires. They make sure we live peacefully in a human ruled society and alongside the other kinds. You need to stop attracting so attention before they decide to permanently remove the problem.“

Luke rolls his eyes, “I already know about the Clave. If you came here to warn me, you can leave and take your haughtiness with you.”

“My haughtiness? I am not being haughty!” The vibrant red head pulls back in disbelief. 

“You are too.” Luke states.

“I am not!” Michael glares, ”I didn’t come here to fight, Luke.” 

“Oh, did you come here to disregard more of my wishes for my life then? Did you come here to choose my next haircut? Or would you like to do to the opposite of my wishes with something much bigger?” Luke questions with a sickening sweetness in his voice. “Do you want to go ahead and out me? Tell the whole world my sexuality?” He raises his eyebrows, and lets a small smile play on his lips. “Or maybe you want to come lock me up in the tower somewhere, like I’m Rapunzel. I mean you already made the choice to destroy every plan I had for my life. So what is next, Mikey?” Luke smiles, but there is nothing friendly about his expression. 

“Luke-” Michael sighs. 

“No. Michael, I’m not done.” The fake emotions drain from his face, and the ones that replace them are no act. “What happened to my wishes? We discussed this! I never wanted to be a -” Luke can’t bring himself to say the word, he has yet to speak it aloud. “I never wanted to be like..”

“Like me?”

“Yeah,” his voice is flat. “Like you.”

“I had no other choice, Luke, you must know that.” Michael feels drained, it’s not like he expected a warm welcome, but after weeks of searching and worrying he’s grown tired. 

Luke’s jaw tightens, his anger clearly growing, feeding from his pain, a side effect of vampirism Michael wishes he had a chance to warn him of. 

“You had a choice! Only one person was forced to do something they didn’t want to that night, and it sure as hell wasn’t you!” His voice is low enough to not cause a scene, but coarse enough to make a point. 

“What was I supposed to do, let you die?”

“Yes!” Luke’s hisses in attempts to refrain from yelling at the older vampire.

“I couldn’t just sit there and watch you bleed to death, Luke!” Michael never thought he would have to defend his choice to save someone’s life, but then again he never thought he would have to make the choice with Luke’s life.

In the matter of a second, Luke’s emotions shift to nothing at all. “You should have just called for an ambulance, like a normal person.” 

“Dammit Luke, there was a pipe through the windshield and your body. And on top of that, the car was on fire. I didn’t have a choice.I had to pull you from that car. If I didn’t you would have burned to death, before anyone got to us. But the pipe had left so much damage to you that when I pulled it out to get you free, I couldn’t stop the bleeding. You were dying beneath my hands! You would have never survived long enough for an ambulance to get there, there was so much fucking blood! It was pouring out of your body and pressure wasn’t helping. Everything was soaked in it and I just couldn’t – I couldn’t just hold you as you slipped away from me forever.” Michael doesn’t try to stop the tears falling down his face. 

“You should have,” Luke’s eyes were now brimming with tears, “You should have let me die instead. Because in trying to keep from losing me forever is exactly what cost you of me. Instead of having me die in your arms as your’s, you now have to live with the fact I’ll live forever resenting you.” The tears fell down his face.

“You’ll forgive me over time.” Michael tries to state with confidence, but Luke can hear the doubt in his voice. 

“Are you really so sure?” Luke asks dryly, as he leans back and wipes his face with both of his hands. 

“I’m sure that what we have between us is strong enough to overcome this. I’m confident that in time you will accept your life as a vampire.” This time there is no doubt in his voice. 

What happens next shocks Michael, Luke laughs, actually laughs like it was the funniest joke in the world.

“What’s so funny?” Michael asks gritting his teeth, not bothering to hide his own growing anger. 

Luke laughs a few more times and takes a moment to collect himself. The time it takes feels like forever to Michael and he only grows more agitated from it. 

“You act like I still care for you.” Luke says with a smirk, “Don’t tell me you are stupid enough to think that.” It was a blatant lie, but yet it feels so good leaving his lips. He wants Michael to pay for his choices and Luke knows his words are more effective than his fists. 

Michael opens his mouth, but Luke cuts him off, “I need you to listen to me, Michael. You don’t get to decide how I feel about this or you. You don’t get to decide how I feel about anything. I do. You don’t get to make choices on what I do. How I live my eternity is up to me and I choose to not have you in it. I don’t want to see you again. Goodbye, Michael.”

Luke leaves before Michael has a chance to respond, Of Mice and Men, left abandoned on the table.

~

In a different city miles away, Luke finds himself in a park, guitar in hand. He learns people tend to toss more money into his case when he plays acoustic versions of old break up songs. 

But he’s not playing for the money, the spare change he’s made in the past hour won’t support him and he doesn’t expect it to. He just enjoys playing for others and if people feel like tipping him for it, he won’t object. 

After a good hour of playing, his attention strays from the cords and on to a family about twenty feet in front of him. There’s a man, probably in his late twenties, a woman around the same age, and a child having a picnic. All his old dreams for a family of his own come flooding back to his thoughts. He can’t help but grieve for what could have been.

~

Over time vampirism becomes easier, more natural, to Luke. Most of what he has learned has come from trial and error in attempts of mimicking what he saw Michael do. The hardest lesson was to stop thinking and trying to apply reason to his new abilities. Once he learned that, it has all became pretty straight forward. 

He learned how to feed without killing and how to control his thirst after his run in with the aged vampires of the Clave during his humanity-less days. More importantly, he learned how to cage the darkness and keep it at bay. The young vampire also learned how to cover his trail and how to create a life with compulsion. He’s careful to compel things like clothes, money and necessities only from people who he believes can take the loss and still be fine. Sometimes he feels bad about essentially stealing, other times he just wants to survive no matter the cost to his conscience. He’s also careful to leave no memory of himself behind, something he knows one day he will have to stop doing otherwise surviving is all he’ll be doing. But for now it’s easier to disappear completely once he’s done in a city. 

He has also made it a point to never stay in a town for longer than three nights and three days, it’s easier to not get attached or too comfortable that way. It is also easier to erase his past when he only has to alter a few days of memories with compulsion. It’s been just over a year since he awoke undead, and Luke finally accepts his new life. 

~

Over the next year, Luke finds himself in many cities and countries, but it is in London, that he meets someone worth sticking around for. Calum is tanned, toned and most surprisingly a werewolf; something Luke didn’t even know existed before he came across a boy with glowing yellow eyes and inhuman speed. 

The first time they meet was in the midnight streets of London, they didn’t even speak, but it left Luke intrigued and curious as to who and what he had just seen. He made it a point to find the boy who possessed unnatural abilities and a beautiful face before he skipped town.

After two weeks of searching, Luke gives up the quest and resumes to the life he has been leading. That’s when he runs into the boy at the park, this time with he has human features and is playing football with people Luke assumes are his friends. Luke laughs to himself at how life works in the strangest of ways, the moment he stops looking is the moment he finds what he was seeking. 

He stares at the boy for what feels like the longest of time, trying to figure out what he should do. The young vampire doubts walking up to him and randomly asking him about his glowing eyes would fare well. Then Luke realizes the boy could be dangerous, vampires are dangerous and whatever he is didn’t look like the Easter Bunny. But curiosity has been driving him insane for the past two weeks and he can’t just walk away from what might be his only opportunity to find out who and what he is. 

He eventually decides to approach him like they are both human. So he takes a deep breath and walks over to say hi. 

At first Luke isn’t sure of what to think or how to act around the different species, though it is hard to judge those who transform into a beast when you transform into a monster. 

Now, the brunette boy makes him laugh and most of all, reminds him what feels like to be alive. It’s the first time Luke has experienced friendship since he turned, and he can’t help but think how much he missed having someone to just be there and to share experiences with for more than just a night. 

After a month of knowing each other, Calum introduces him to another werewolf, Dinah. She reminds him of Calum, but with better legs and worse tastes in movies. And to Luke’s surprise, they all get on well. He’s seen enough movies to know there should be natural animosity between them because of their species, but then again the rivalry between werewolves and vampires may be over exaggerated like sunlight and garlic are. Sure the sunlight burns more painfully and garlic smells worse with heightened senses, but neither is nowhere near powerful enough to kill a vampire. Luke realizes he grew up with lots of myths around him regarding vampires and he wonders what else the movies have gotten wrong, so he adds testing them all to his growing list of to do's.

Six months into their friendship, Luke realizes London isn’t the best fit for his new found friends or himself. London constantly provides a long list of disappointments for Dinah who’s always wanting to be at the beach and Calum who is so full of energy and always wanting to be outside in the sun. It sure isn’t a good fit for Luke, he has found he prefers medium sized cities. Nothing too small that everyone knows everyone and is always in your business, but also nothing too large that you get swept away and forgotten in the hustle and bustle. The now twenty year old likes to control when he is forgotten opposed to having it forced on him and well, living in the heart of London he can’t help but get swept away. 

It’s Calum who is the first to suggest a change in location. He wants away from the city he grew up in. Dinah suggests every exotic city near a beach she can think of and Luke argues against each city that sounds too much like a tourist destination. 

Rio pops up in the conversation multiple times and both Calum and Dinah like the sound of it. Luke is hesitant at the idea, but he finally decides he’s willing to at least to give the culture of Rio a chance to make up for the size of it’s population. Together the three leave for Brazil, in hopes of a better climate and a good time. 

 

~

To say Rio lives up to the hype is an understatement, Luke finds himself loving the ability to get lost in the crowd, but yet somehow feel like he’s creating a home for himself at the same time. Maybe it’s the people of Rio, maybe it’s the people he came with. Either way, Luke enjoys his new life. 

Calum and Luke find a decent apartment together with an English speaking landlord; Luke compels him to let them stay for free. Calum feels bad for not paying, but Luke points out the owner’s expensive watch and imported car and suggests it’s only temporary until they get on their feet. Calum agrees it’s the only option until they both get jobs in their new hometown.

Dinah opts for her own apartment. If Luke recalls the reason she decided to live alone correctly, it was about Calum being insufferable near full moons and Luke’s inability not to soak the whole bathroom when he showers.

Dinah takes to the new language with ease, the same can’t be said for the boys. So she leaves colorful flash cards taped to their mirrors, doors, chairs, really anything that she can add a Portuguese label to. Luke finds it to be helpful. Calum on the other hand, struggles more than any flashcard could ever help, so Dinah takes to tutoring him. Calum can’t say it helps his vocabulary, but Dinah finds a way to make it worth his time none the less. 

When Dinah isn’t around to translate or can’t, they ask around mostly finding tourist just as lost as they are. Other times, they rely on their phones to translate for them. And Luke wonders how anyone ever traveled to cities outside of their language before IPhones were invented. 

Calum finds a job busing tables at a local restaurant and Luke scores a job at a record shop. He never saw himself doing this kind of work, he always assumed he would follow his mother’s footsteps in teaching or something along those lines. However, he enjoys it and it is better than nothing. Neither job pays well, so they rely on compulsion for longer than they originally planned. 

All is well until time catches up with the trio.

~ 

It’s been two years and Dinah has been spending less and less time in Rio, and more time with her boyfriend’s pack thirty miles away. She’s in love and wanting to embrace her life as a mate. Calum and Luke are happy for her, but it’s still bittersweet seeing their trio become a duo. 

It’s at Dinah’s engagement party, that Calum tells Luke he wants to work his way up the ranks in his pack and the only way to do that is to settle down. He tells him how finding a job inside the pack and a potential mate would help his odds in becoming more than just a beta. And just the thought of settling down, does not sound so bad to him either. He’s not getting any younger, after all. That’s when the realization that it’s time to move on hits Luke. 

~

It’s been six months since Luke said his goodbyes to his friends and Rio. Dinah has officially married her boyfriend. Luke buys them a juicer from their gift registry. But it feels too aloof for someone who was once his close friend, so he also has a new guitar wrapped and sent to the wedding. With a note attached saying, “Now, there’s no excuse to not share your songs with the world.” They exchange texts weekly and Dinah even sends him videos and audio clips of her music.

Keeping contact with Calum proves to be more difficult than Luke imagined it would be. But he understands. 

He himself keeps busy by traveling through Europe.  
.  
~

In Spain he meets a girl with long black hair and eyes that remind him of the past. She smiles at him and it all begins from there. 

He learns her name is Lauren and she is originally from Miami. She tells him that she’s only in Spain for the summer, then she’ll return to the states for college at NYU due to a deal she made with her parents. He smiles and tells her he’s only there until the next city becomes more intriguing. 

While her Spanish is just as weak as his, still they often find themselves picking at the other for their mispronunciations. In all honesty, he’s thankful to find the company of someone who he can speak to in his first language. They fall into using English on their dates.

During one of early their dates, Lauren explains what lead her to Spain: “My parents didn’t like how I lived my life,” Lauren pauses, rethinking what she had just stated. “It might be more accurate to say they didn’t like who I lived my life with.” Lauren nods her head, looking satisfied with her words.

“So they sent you out of the country to get you away from them?” Luke questions as they pass by a coffee shop. 

Lauren nods, as she walks along aside him at a comfortable pace. “Them, meaning my parents.”

“Who would just send their eighteen year old to live on their own in a foreign country? How is that going to solve anything?” 

“Thankfully, they gave up on trying to fix me a long time ago. And it’s easier to deal with me, when they don’t have to see the people I bring home. My parents didn’t like the boys I dated and they liked the girls even less.” Lauren shrugs. “Doesn’t matter though, it’s not like they get a say in it anymore.” 

“Well, aren’t they the ones’ paying for this trip for you? Couldn’t they make you cut your trip short, if they don’t approve of your company?”

“Who says they have to know?” Lauren mouth forms into a smirk, before she dissolves into giggles. “Luke, they haven’t sent me to another continent with expectations to have me return as the perfect little daughter.” A slight edge develops in her voice, “They wanted me gone so I wouldn’t embarrass them; so much so, that they were willing to pay for this trip. They don’t care who I keep as company as long as I’m not influencing my siblings and making a scene in front of their friends and our extended family.”

~

It’s date night, and she’s teaching him how to prepare her grandmother’s lasagna. Her laughter fills his flat as she watches him struggle to to properly chop onions, and he can’t help but laugh too. Maybe it’s the wine they’ve been drinking, or maybe he is beginning to fall for her, but he can’t take his eyes off of her. Her hair is tied up on top of her head, random strands falling down around her face, somehow perfectly framing it. Her makeup is a bit smeared around her eyes, but he doesn’t mind, he actually finds it endearing. She’s wearing a tee shirt, that he’s almost positive was originally his, but he also doesn’t mind the petty theft because she’s utterly gorgeous in it. 

He really should have been paying attention to the knife in his hand, rather than his girlfriend, because the knife slips and slices deeply into his pointer finger nearly cutting it off his hand. Luke’s fangs extend involuntarily as he hisses in pain. He quickly jerks his head forward to look at the damage and hide his face from her, but it is too late. Luke makes his way to the sink; Lauren doesn’t move.

He turns the water on and places his bleeding hand under it, while he debates on what to tell her or if he should just compel her to forget instead. Compulsion would be the easy and smart answer, but immoral none the less. He doesn’t know why he’s so worried about morals, he uses compulsion daily to pay for his lifestyle. But then again, this is Lauren and not a stranger. Compelling someone you love is much harder than someone you’ll never think about again. He takes a deep breath, as the water runs clear around his hand and cuts the tap off. He can feel her eyes on his newly healed hand. There’s no lie he can come up with to cover up what she has seen. 

The room is sober. He turns to face Lauren and she doesn’t run, she doesn’t scream, and she doesn’t try to stake him. Instead she beats him to the punch and speaks first. She asks him to turn her. She doesn’t even ask what he is first, she doesn’t question anything. She’s too confident in her own intelligence to need to a verbal confirmation for what she has seen. Her response is such a Lauren thing to do, he thinks to himself. 

Luke quickly declares she wouldn’t want him to if she understood the full implications of what she just asked and he wouldn’t even if she did. 

Later, that night he finds himself questioning why he told her that. After all, vampirism has had it’s perks and for an adventurous soul the possibilities are limitless. The curse is wanting mortality and the experiences it brings, but not being able to have it. But Lauren doesn’t want that. She had told him that much, even before she knew what he is. It’s the opposite of his situation, and his respect for her decision makes him change his answer. 

Two days later, she takes his blood and he snaps her neck. Her forever begins in the heart of the woods behind his apartment complex. 

~

Her summer is over and college starts in two weeks; it’s time for her to head back to the states alone. They both know following her was never an option and neither was her staying. 

The couple drive to the airport in a somber silence, hands laced together on the console. He helps her with her luggage once they arrive. He’s barely sat the last of the bags down before her arms are around his neck and she’s sharing a speedy mess of thoughts. He wraps his arms around her and tells her for someone with such an eloquent vocabulary she’s rambling a lot. She laughs and breaks the embrace. 

“Thank you, though. Not just for companionship, but-” She looks around, seeing if anyone is paying too close attention. They are not, however she drops her voice to a whisper as a precaution anyways. Lauren is not as concerned with hunters as she is prying humans; what’s about to be said is between them, and no one else. “For changing my life and standing beside me through it. I’ll never be able to repay that and you haven’t asked me to try. Thank you for that. Thank you for everything, Luke.” She finishes, with tears in her eyes.

Luke gives her a small smile and brushes a fallen strand of hair away from her cheek. He doesn’t say anything, instead he opts to lean down and kiss her forehead. “You should go before you miss your flight.” He says, as he pulls away with a small smile.

It’s a simple goodbye. He doesn’t say anything about the time they spent together and what she has meant to him, he doesn’t have to. She already knows.

The next month he leaves Spain for Tokyo. 

~

The buildings are tall and the lights are bright; and Luke falls in love again, this time with a city. 

Tokyo proves to offer a nice change of pace from Spain. His lifestyle does also. He’s calls a top floor penthouse his home, vampirism does have it’s perks after all. Luke has grown more comfortable with using his abilities to create more than just a cover story over the past few years. 

In Spain and Rio, Luke struggled to adjust to the new language and culture, so this time around Luke dedicates time to taking a class designed to help foreigners integrate into society rather than relying on books, strangers and apps. Japanese is vastly different from the other languages he’s learned, but no less beautiful. The population of the city also happens to create a nice supply of food sources, and Luke finds that to be another reason to stick around. He has found that he doesn’t quite mind getting lost big cities anymore. 

Tokyo offers a nice nightlife that Luke takes full advantage of. Everything is perfect about his new life, expect the fact he never wanted it and he still looks the same as he did at eighteen. But only one of those he can change. 

He combs his hair down out of it’s quiff and cuts it shorter. It easily ages his face by five years and he’s proud of it. 

~  
The year he has spent in Tokyo has provided a long list of changes and new beginnings, but sometimes the past is not quite over with. He’s in an electronics shop, browsing through phone cases when he looks up and catches a glimpse of a lavender haired male with a face that he’ll never forget. 

It isn’t all that shocking if Luke thinks about it, running into Michael was bound to happen at some point. However, he never prepared himself for the moment and he isn’t quite sure how to handle it. What do you say to your ex who gifted you a monstrous desire and an endless lifetime? Luke really isn’t sure and he doesn’t want to figure it out. He just wants to leave before Michael has a chance to notice him. But for some odd reason he can’t bring himself to make a quiet exit. And he can’t stop himself from walking toward him. Before his brain has time to scream at his body to stop, he’s clearing his throat to catch the attention of the other. It works.

Michael looks up from the sales rack to Luke. His eyes widen, clearly he expected to run into Luke just as much as Luke was expecting to run into him. They don’t say anything, the only noise is coming from the busy shop around them. People bumping by, some asking to be excused while they squeeze by, only to be ignored by the vampires who are standing like awkward statues.  
A thousand thoughts are rushing inside of Michael’s mind, the same goes for Luke.

Luke is the one to work up the nerve to break the silence, “Hi,” his voice is weak and Luke wants to slap himself for the way it nearly breaks on such a simple word. 

Michael chuckles lowly at the awkwardness, but he returns the greeting: “Hi. I didn’t expect to run into you here.”

“I didn’t very much expect to run into you either.” Luke bites his lip,not knowing what to say. But that probably wasn’t it. And it’s probably not the time to say he misses what they had, although he’s not done blaming Michael for everything that has happened. And that he turned someone, but the ‘right way’ and why couldn’t he do that? And it’s probably not the time to confess how he’s thankful for everything he has enjoyed thanks to vampirism at the same time of hating Michael for his actions the night of the accident. Those things require more of a conversation, one that Luke isn’t quite sure how to get to. 

Luke isn’t offered a chance to figure it out before a brunette is calling Michael “babe” and apologizing for being late. Luke’s awkwardness shifts to disappointment as the brunette slips an arm around Michael’s waist. The worst part is he’s sure Michael can sense the emotions he’s giving off. 

It only gets worse when Michael introduces the stranger as Harry, he seems friendly and Luke dislikes him for that. Then he removes his arm from Michael and extends it toward Luke to formally greet him, and he dislikes him even more for it. He likes him even less when he jokes about the weather in attempts to make friendly conversation. Luke’s not sure he’s ever hated anyone more than he does this Harry fellow. 

Eventually, Michael interrupts the small talk to announce that he and Harry should be heading off to their dinner reservations. Harry kindly suggests they change their plans and go somewhere else, so Michael can catch up with the blond and Harry can exchange stories about Michael with him. The potential awkwardness of the situation flashes in Luke’s mind and he quickly lies and says he has plans. Then he politely thanks them for the offer, tells them he must be going, and doesn’t want to interrupt their night anymore. 

Before they part ways Michael asks if he would like to meet up for lunch to catch up the next day. And for a brief moment the disappointment dissipates in Luke’s mind. 

Luke nods his head and suggests a place they could meet at. They agree on a time and place, it’s all friendly and Luke is aware of it.

It hits him after his third glass of bourbon while he’s sitting alone in his penthouse, that he is not ready to face the past. So Luke packs his bags and doesn’t look back.

It’s the last time Michael will see him in the next three decades.

~

The next towns don’t last long. None of them quite matching the thrill of Tokyo, the companionship he found in Spain, or the memories he made in Brazil.

He becomes a bit of a nomad, only staying in one place long enough to take up a new hobby. He takes advantage of his enhanced healing ability and strength with extreme sports and a daredevil attitude. Hiking, mountain climbing, snowboarding, motocross, all fill his free time until the rush of adrenaline begins to diminish. And he has to find another way to feel alive. 

Eventually, he moves to hobbies more fitting of someone who has lived the fullness of their life and are looking for something to keep busy with. He tries his hand at woodwork, and then poetry, before settling on instrument repair. He likes it. It keeps his hands busy, his mind focused; it’s simple, but rewarding. He enjoys being able to renew worth into something that was once so broken it was useless. And he admires how the most beautiful sounds can come from the most scarred and defaced instruments.

He develops the ability to control his hunger, sometimes it still rages strong. But for the most part, it remains under his control and not the other way around. It becomes a part of him that he’s able to embrace, rather than hide away and deny. He realizes he has come to terms with his vampirism, something he never thought he would be able to do. He takes pride in it. 

Over time, Luke learns to compartmentalize his feelings. He read somewhere it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill; with 24 hours in a day, he figures it should take roughly a year and two months to master the skill of compartmentalization. Five decades later and Luke finally manages to master the skill, so he doubts the accuracy of what he read.

~

But he pushes the questions of accuracy out of his head as he lays beside his partner. The arms around him are strong and protective, the perfect representation of the man they belong to. 

Ashton is roughly fifty years his senior, but he looks like he’s still twenty one. He shares the same color hair as Luke, but it is longer and it twists into natural waves towards the ends. His tanned skin matches Luke’s from the hours spent outdoors on hikes, road trips in the Jeep with the top down, and the days passed on the beach. 

With Ashton, Luke embraces his vampirism in ways he never has before. They work with a fraction of the Clave located in California mentoring newly turned vampires, “Bottle Feeders”, as the fraction has nicknamed them. Luke enjoys it and learns more about himself than he ever thought he would. The greatest of discoveries was that who he was before didn’t die in the accident, he evolved.

~

Twenty stories above street level stands Luke and Ashton on the rooftop of their apartment building. No words are being spoken between them, however the silence is not uncomfortable. 

Maybe it is the view that makes him feel so miniscule in the grand scheme of everything that leads to or it could be the beer in his hand. Which is unlikely, considering the alcohol content is low, even for a human, although it is still enough to take off the edge of the day. Either way, Luke begins to reflect. There is something that has been bothering him for the past few weeks, but he can’t quite place what it is. It’s like a proverbial itch that keeps creeping up under his skin and he can’t find the culprit to stop it from reoccurring.

It’s not that he’s unhappy, for from it. He has Ashton and together they are good. He has his work with the Clave and it pays well and that is good. He has a nice apartment, a nice car, good friends and plenty of good memories to go along with it all. It’s all good. But it is like there’s something blinking in the distance and it keeps catching Luke’s attention, no matter how present he becomes in the moment, he still knows it’s there blinking and he remains curious as to what it is. 

It’s normally Ashton, who pulls him back to reality. He’s a light of his own, bright and a steady stream of light in Luke’s life. The more Luke thinks about the vampire, he realizes he does care for, love even, him. In other words, Ashton keeps has his attention, but he can’t erase the knowledge that there is a light blinking in the distance. He knows he should be happy, and he is. But the curiosity as to what is causing the blinking light and itch under his skin is driving him mad. 

“Wanderlust,” Ashton breaks the silence. “It’s called wanderlust.”

“What?” Luke questions, with his brows scrunched together. 

Ashton begins to answer keeping his eyes trained on the city line, “The feeling you are experiencing is called wanderlust. For humans it’s the desire to see more of the world than what’s around them and to experience more in their lifetime, of course for vampires it is heightened. Think of it as a built in timer of shorts, one that tells you when it’s time to move on and when to stay.” The vampire finishes, taking a drink of his beer. 

Luke decides not dismiss Ashton with denial, instead he probes: “How did you know?” 

“You haven’t exactly been hiding it, Luke.” Ashton chuckles lightly, “ On top of it, I’ve lived for over a century. I’ve felt what you are feeling. I’ve been there. More than once actually, you won’t grow out of it.” Ashton pauses to collect his thoughts and decides where he wants to go with this conversation, “Or at least I haven’t, but that isn’t the point. The point is the feeling won’t go away on it’s own. It will only grow stronger until you either give in or lose the ability to feel anything.” 

“So what do you suggest? I just pack up and leave? We just pack up and leave?” Luke asks. 

“You should feel excited to live, to experience. Complancemence is meant for those with limited amounts to live, but you have an unlimited lifespan. The world has more to offer to you, and you to it. Your vampiric senses are trying to tell you to move on. And they have been for some time, haven’t they?” Ashton does not wait for a reply before he speaks again, but Luke doesn’t think that really was a question in the first place. “I don’t feel that draw. For now, this is my home. This is where I am meant to be.”

“If you wanted me to leave, there are easier ways to say so.” Luke says, half jokingly, half hurt. 

“I’m not breaking up with you, Luke.” Ashton sighs as he turns to face Luke. “This isn’t some grand speech to tell you it’s time for you to pack your bags leave because we are done. This is me telling you; you should listen to the voice inside of your head and that I can’t leave my life behind just to follow you. I’m not ready to. It’s not the right time for me. I’ll probably leave this town, and this fraction of the Clave in the process, maybe even the whole Clave one day, but for now I’m here. It is where I feel alive, so I remain. But you shouldn’t feel the obligation to stay because of me, no more than I should, and don’t, feel the obligation to leave because you need to. ”

It’s an odd form of a goodbye, even for Luke. But deep down he knows Ashton is right, it’s time for him to go and he can’t expect Ashton to follow him anymore than Lauren could have expected him to follow her all those years ago. There’s always a bittersweetness to goodbyes. But it’s time he stands on his two feet again, and moves on. 

They leave on terms of an indefinite pause. 

~

Years have passed since he was human; ten, twenty, fifty, sixty. Luke hasn’t been keeping count – time has begun long ago to feel meaningless; no need to count the grains of sand when the hourglass is endless, right? It all feels the same, anyways. Yesterday he was human, today he is a vampire.

The people in his life during this period could be described as momentary at best. He realizes how difficult relationships with humans are when you give up pretending to be one. So he makes it a rule to avoid growing close to them. There are others that pass through his life, some like him, and some like Calum and Dinah, some not like any of them. The one thing they all have in common is they all become nothing more than a story in the end. There is a question that lies in the back of Luke’s mind, was that all he was to Michael? Deep down, he knows he was far more than just a story. 

He has Google set to alert him of obituary entries from the names of his loved ones and old friends. He also has a real estate notice set on the place he grew up in. When it comes up for sale, Luke decides to buy his family’s home, even though it hasn’t been his home in decades. He places an offer in at asking price through a private broker. His brother never learns the real identity of the buyer, much less that he is in fact his immortal brother who’s body hasn’t aged a day since he last saw him. He buys it fully furnished, surprisingly not much has changed. The pictures and family heirlooms are gone, of course. But the old couch and the squeaky floorboard is the same as he remembers.

Luke has learned over time: caretakers don’t ask many questions when you pay well enough. When he visits, he’s careful to leave his mom’s favorite flowers in the kitchen. When his Dad’s favorite team makes the playoffs, he brings memorabilia, always dated, and always placed in his dad’s old office. It becomes somewhat of a memorial for what once was. 

The last email he received was nearly twenty years ago. Luke assumes anyone who knew him from his human life is long gone, besides Michael. But that is to be expected considering he’s over a one hundred years old now and most of the people he knew were human. The life he had before has faded away with the memories taken to their graves. He thinks that might be a blessing underneath the curse of immortality. The Luke Hemmings that once was is officially gone. 

~

Luke runs into Michael for the second time, although this time around it doesn’t seem so peculiar. The world feels awfully smaller when you’ve been eighteen for a century. The surprising part of seeing Michael is where, a gala hosted by the Milan fraction of the Clave. From what Luke remembers, Michael was never a big fan or even a partaker in the Clave’s business. But people change, especially vampires. Something Luke has learned all too well over the years. 

This time it is Michael, who starts the conversation, “Hi, stranger. I barely recognized you, considering you aren’t standing me up. But the evening is still young, I guess.” 

Luke laughs nervously, “Sorry about that. I needed to clear my thoughts; admittedly not one of my finer moments.”

Michael takes a sip of his drink and lets the conversation fall into silence for an uncomfortable moment. He clears his throat, “So, how have you been?”

“Well, enough. I suppose.” Luke shrugs, “You?”

“Time hasn’t been bad to me.”

Luke wouldn’t disagree with that statement, considering his dark hair and added piercings that have been a nice change since they last saw one another.

“So, what have you been up to for all these years?” 

Michael shares stories of the past, and underneath the stories of joining a band and disbanding, and subpar jobs, replaced with boring corporate attempts, only to discover owning a video game cafe was where his joy and talents lie, there is an iceberg, a very awkward iceberg, that is one sentence away from shattering into thousands of pieces of messy emotions. But this isn’t the place for that, so the iceberg will have to stay intact for now.

They find a table in a room with decent privacy. They share friendly conversation and several rounds of drinks until there is not enough sobriety left to filter the truth. That is when the iceberg cracks. 

“I used to say God only knows what I’d become without you,” Michael chuckles. “But it seems it’s not only God who knows now.” He shakes his head and takes another swig of his drink.

“I haven’t forgotten what we had,” Luke blurts out a little too fast. The truth is he keeps the memories close. But he still has some self respect, so he does not admit that. “But I also haven’t forgiven you.” He swears he hears Michael’s heart stop. But Michael takes a breath and regains his steady heart rate before Luke can call him on it, not that he had intentions to in the first place. “But I’ve come to terms with what happened.” Luke adds somberly. 

Michael sighs, “I told you I wouldn’t regret or apologize for what I’ve done. I’m not sorry I saved your life. But in the years without you, I’ve had some time to think.” Michael sets his drink down and takes a deep breath, “I realized I completely disregarded your choices and for that I am sorry. It was ultimately not my decision to make. ” Michael averts his eyes a tattoo on his thumb, something he got many years ago, refusing to look at Luke in case he doesn’t like the emotions he might see.

“You are right, it was never your choice.”

“I’m sorry.” Michael doesn’t look up.

“Sorry, doesn’t change the events of the past. It’s a band-aid meant for the speaker, not the one on the receiving end of the phrase.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” Michael says sincerely, bringing his face back up to meet his former lover’s.

“Then listen,” Luke catches Michael’s eyes in return. “What happened that night, the night of the wreck, was not right. Making the choice to turn me was not the right choice. Lashing out at you with the intention to make you feel like how I felt, was not right. Standing you up, was not okay. A lot of things happened that sorry can’t atone for. But I think we both know there is remorse there and I doubt either of us want to repeat them. So maybe it’s time we move on from it all. No more guilt. No more apologies. And let the past be the past.. ” 

No matter the words he speaks something still holds Luke back. He wants to move on, he really does. But there is something he can’t quite let go of.

Although, that does not stop them from continuing their night long after the gala ends. Together in Luke’s hotel room, Michael can appreciate the experience Luke has gained since they last spent the night together. 

~

“Can we be something again? I mean us. You and me together again.” Michael manages to make the question sound so normal. As if he isn’t lying more than half naked, tangled in the sheets beside his ex. 

Luke stares at the ceiling, electronic cigarette tucked between his lips, a casual habit he hasn’t been able to shake since the early twenty first century. He doesn’t know how to answer that question. So he remains honest and removes the cigarette from his lips, “I don’t know.” Well honest to an extent. He knows he’s that their night hasn’t changed anything and if it has, it probably shouldn’t have even happened. 

Michael sighs and rolls to his side, to face the blond. “I always thought I would be the one to run.” He glides his hand across Luke’s bare chest stopping once his hand wraps around Luke’s neck, “That immortality would catch up with me, mortality with you,” He strokes his thumb across the skin underneath it. “Or maybe I feared I just wouldn’t be able to handle a good thing and pack my bags before I got the chance to destroy you.” He laughs bitterly and removes his hand. He lets himself fall sideways to his back. “I never thought it would be you running. Dammit Luke, stop running.”

Luke doesn’t listen. 

~

The next few years do not provide any of Luke’s finer moments. He spends his time experimenting with how much alcohol it would take to pickle his liver and working his way through the alphabet with the names of his bedmates. 

Ariana is a vampire groupie of shorts, Ashton had warned him about those. He passes her along to the next vampire, and leaves town before things become messy and he gets pulled further into the vampire culture again. Barbara is human and innocent, it doesn’t last long. He ends it before he has time to drag her down with him. Cody tells him he loves him after three weeks; Luke knows he’s lying, but he lets himself get lost in the words and uses him until he has nothing left worth taking. Then Luke leaves him for the next letter without a second thought, he’s nothing more than a glorified coping mechanism after all. By the time he makes his way to the G, they don’t last longer than a few nights before he’s on to the next letter. 

He makes his way through the alphabet twice, before he regains some self control and pride.

~

One thing that he hasn’t been able to drink or sleep away is the pull tugging him back to his hometown. Infact, the more he drinks to drown out the desire, the more he thinks about it. Eventually, the pull proves to be too strong. 

It’s been at least one hundred years since he last set foot in the town he grew up in and died in. A lot has changed in the past century, although the public transport system is no better than before. But at least he finds company in the man sitting beside him. 

The man looks to be somewhere in his seventies and Luke doesn’t doubt that he is in fact older than the man by several decades. Not physically aging is a very odd concept when you're looking at someone’s face who time has altered and wore on. 

The conversation is casual and light at first, but somehow the awkwardness and formality fade into a heartfelt conversation. Luke is barely even aware he missed his stop four blocks ago, but the conversation seems more important than his plans. 

“My biggest regret is I ran,” The old man sighs and shakes his head like the memories could be simply shaken away with the physical movement. “And I didn’t just leave behind my pain; I left behind my joy. And do you know what I got in return? A multitude of regrets.” 

“What about April, was that what you said your wife’s name was?” Luke pauses, for a second trying to recall what the man had called her by earlier in their conversation. “Didn’t she make you happy? What about your kids? You can’t tell me you didn’t live a good life.” The man can see the thoughts speeding through Luke’s head in his eyes. 

“Oh she did, son.” He chuckles, “I was happy; I am happy. I’ve lived a nice life. But there is a difference between happiness and joy; and nice and good are not the same thing. Happiness doesn’t last. Happiness is replaced with sadness, and excitement, and anger, every other day. Joy lasts through the good times and bad. Joy is what makes the bad days, okay in the end. You can’t be happy and sad at the same time, you can however be sad and still have joy in your life.” He sighs, “The thing is I never knew when the questions would creep up. I would be driving to work and wonder if I would have been a father with April? I’d be at the gym and wonder what would our kids look like if we had them? Does she enjoy this movie or that tv show? What would our inside jokes have been? Is she happy now? Is she even still her? I mean I know April is still April, but did she remain the April I knew? I could never trust my thoughts because whenever I was alone the what if’s and what could have been’s would pop up. What I’m getting at is: I was able to outrun the pain, but never the regrets that came with the easy road.” 

Days after Luke made it off the bus, the man’s words still play on repeat in his mind. And he realizes he’s far too tired and too old to keep running. So he stops. 

~

Actively trying to find Michael proves to be easy for Luke. He uses a few of his old contacts through the Clave and within two weeks of making his decision to seek Michael out he has the name of the town Michael is residing in. It takes him another week to make the trip and track him down in person.

They catch up over coffee. One hundred years ago, Luke would have found the idea of reminiscing with his ex-lover in a coffee shop to be a mundane cliché. But that was then and this is now.

They reminisce of the days when they first met and catch up on the decades that have passed, they even mention the night of the wreck. When they find themselves talking about an upcoming music festival, Luke knows he should go before he stays too long and can’t leave. 

He knows he should walk away before he admits that there is a voice in the back of his head that still tells him he should have never left Michael any of the times he ran. He knows he should make a trivial excuse and head to the next town and chapter in his life. But he also knows all too well, that he can’t keep running and that he would regret not seeing this out. So, he stays and orders a refill. 

Before they part ways, Michael tells him if he wants to catch up some more or just talk in general, there is beers in his fridge and a good pizza place down the road from his place that delivers. 

Three nights later, Luke takes him up on the offer. 

~

 

He steps through the door and leaves the regrets clawing at his ankles behind. 

Michael’s apartment is a nice, although not extravagant. Furniture is placed clearly according to function and not aesthetics. The colors vary in tones of reds, grays and white. There are vintage DVDs, CDs and hard versions of video games lining shelves. Luke wonders if Michael keeps the collection purely out of nostalgia, since the days of their use has long faded into modern technology or if he still bothers to use them. The room feels quite bear in terms of decorations, the only thing really decorating the room is the shelves and the guitar propped against a sectional. Luke has only seen the main living area, but to him the flat just feels like Michael, the Michael he remembers from his past and the new Michael he wants to discover.

He spends the evening with Michael talking over a few beers with a lifetime of stories, memories and experiences. Things are different than before, when he was human, but then again if it was not had he lived at all? It’s awkward at first,uncomfortable even. But by the end of the night, their conversation is filled with laughs, honesty and sincerity. They part ways with a promise of tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> If you got to the end of this, thank you! This is kinda my awkward return to writing fanfiction and if you made it through all this, thank you so more for your patience! Feel free to leave constructive criticism and advice on how to grow at writing. I'd appreciate it!
> 
> This story has been in my drafts for forever! (Not even kidding, Michael's hair was red when I started writing. Then red again when I started editing, and now his hair isn't even red anymore.......) I meant for this to be about 2000 words, but it just kept growing until I knew I needed to just finish it for my sake. :/


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